Hello, Divorced Dome of Depression! This week, you're going to write a (terrible) story and I will glower from the blood throne, so let's make this more fun.

It's time to play a little game called "Thunderdome Hold 'Em". Here's how it works.

You can choose any genre you want, anything at all.

Now, in everyone's story, a crime has taken place prior to the story's opening line. Ten seconds, ten hours, ten years, I don't particularly care when, just don't open with long slabs of the pluperfect telling me what happened.

Next, you will select two things from THE LIST and declare which two you are using in your signup post. They must be included in your story somehow. Very close substitions for setting/genre fit are allowed - for example, if you were to pick the icebreaking ship, but were writing sci-fi, you could make it an icebreaking spaceship.

THE LIST, PICK TWO:
* A jaunty, yet disturbing, ditty which reveals something about the character(s) who like it - think Psycho Dad
* A beard that does not stop growing. Ever.
* A sumptuous buffet of hideous delicacies.
* A game of pinfinger. Your story may not be set in a bar, tavern or other normal venue for this game.
* Big game hunting. For chickens.
* Chlorine Trifluoride. (Video!)
* Pie fights. Plural.
* Pirate radio changes (or has changed) the life of someone.
* At least one character is a human cannonball.
* Phlogiston. It’s real!
* An icebreaking ship is crucial to your story’s plot. May not be set aboard the ship.

You're getting lots of words. Make them count. I'm expecting interesting characters and an interesting plot. Good opening paragraphs will buy you goodwill.